Mama Monday #78

This is from a piece that Nadia Bolz Weber posted last fall, so I know you've read it. But it's worth reading again. I loved what you shared as we went around the circle and shared words of gratitude on Thanksgiving, and this seems to fit right in. 

art above by Morgan Harper Nichols 

It was raining yesterday when I got to the beautiful building near Fisherman’s Wharf in Victoria BC where I and 15 other people were gathering for day 4 of a two week long training in community song leading (note: not Sacred Harp related). We brushed off the droplets from our jackets and put aside our umbrellas. The woman who rides her bike each morning squeezed out her long brown hair.

After waiting several days until almost everyone else had already led theirs, it was my turn to teach the group a simple song. Nearly everyone else has done this sort of thing before, but not me. At 55 years of age I am learning an entirely new skill.

One of the leaders calls us together with a simple song and our voices and bodies form a circle in the center of the room under a high wooden ceiling.

We hold you in our circle, hold you in our love.

These are the lyrics to a three part song by Emily Roblyn. (Click below and it will take you to the recording on Substack). 

Hold You in Our Circle by Emily Roblyn Emily Roblyn

I had listened to it dozens of times, and when I asked an experienced song leader for her help she filmed a video for me of how she would lead it. I practiced with Eric the night before, and then went over everything several times again that morning.

Standing in the center of the circle, I explained that at New Beginnings, on the Sunday before women are released from prison, we lay hands on them and speak a blessing, but I want in those moments to also have something simple to sing over them. And so yesterday I invited anyone in our singing group, if they needed a blessing, if they needed to be held in love, to walk into the center as we sang the song and just receive. (Or as I have said elsewhere - to submit to a blessing.)

I took out my brand new, never been used pitch pipe, found a G and lifted my hand to teach the first part and … completely blanked. I COULD NOT REMEMBER THE SIMPLE TUNE I SPENT DAYS MEMORIZING. Gone. Like a musical pick-pocket had lifted it out of my brain while I was distracted. I kept feeling my pockets for it but it was gone.

So I excused myself, found it on my phone, played myself the first 5 notes again (after of course having the bandcamp app glitch out first), walked back into the group, considered apologizing for flubbing it up, but chose instead to say shamelessly “I’m not gonna say sorry, I’m just gonna try again, here we go!” and my new friends seemed to approve of that choice.

I managed to teach the damn thing and eventually we all found our parts, and by that I mean eventually the song just sort of took over, so I stepped back to join the circle of singers. I didn’t know if anyone would take me up on my offer but immediately one of the other students not only stepped into the center to let the song wash over her, but she laid down and wept and then another and then one of our teachers and soon about 6 or 7 people were in tearful pile in the center as the rest of us sang We hold you in our circle, hold you in our love around them.

The only word I can think to describe it is: holy.

Since then I’ve had 2 thoughts:

1. I would never have been the first to say yes I want you to sing this over me and just lay down and receive it without apology. This morning I woke up thinking about how brave that was; to break the seal, to allow for others to not have to be the first.

2. Holy shit, we need spaces for giving and receiving blessing. (I was asked recently how I define “a blessing” and I think it’s something like putting words out into the world and into the ears of those that you desire to be changed in good ways by them).